I WAS "HEIDENREICH" ON THE ROH MESSAGE BOARD IN 2008
I think everyone by now, at least on this website, knows how much I adore old school Ring of Honor. ROH really transcended the way pro wrestling is today.
As much as many spew truth about ECW’s revolution, ROH’s in-ring style helped spawn the athleticism and innovation that we see today. Credit goes to both RF Video, including Gabe Sapolsky and Doug Gentry, who helped develop the format on how the promotion would run, beginning in 2002, and the performers, whose incredible talents and fearless tenacity pushed forward the importance of what happened in between the ropes.
With that true independent spirit led to a true alternative wrestling fan. Fans who missed ECW and didn’t enjoy WWE found a home with ROH. And with ROH, there was no other place to discuss the promotion than on the ROH Message Board.
All the ROHbots (term used positively and negative towards ROH fans) would migrate to the message board to read Mr. Sapolsky’s latest ROH Newswire, show predictions, feedback on the live events and DVDs, pre-show meetups, and so much more. Before the days of the modern social media boom, message boards and forums were where it was at.
So when Bankie Bruce messaged me last month regarding the old board, I cringed, knowing what it was about:
“Hey, weren’t you Heidenreich on the old ROH board? I found a workable link on the page of one of your DISASTERPIECES. LMAO”
Oh boy.
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Thanks to Bankie’s discovery on Archive.org, due to his discussion on X with Shane Hagadorn, former ROH Top of the Class Trophy Holder and future author of the Code of Honor book, regarding said message forum, I had begun to relive a time of my life which I thought was long gone.
Starting with a joke between me and my friends, I began writing “Disasterpieces” as “Heidenreich”, a former sports entertainer in WWE.
Heidenreich, a monstrous blond-haired human being, standing at 6’6 and weight close to 300 pounds of solid muscle, was not a beloved WWE performer, but made a legacy doing four things for the company:
Wrestling the Undertaker for a several months span from 2004-2005
Kidnapping Michael Cole and performing a skit that was a PG-version of a typical episode of OZ during an episode of SmackDown
Winning the WWE Tag Team Titles with Road Warrior Animal as a member of the Legion of Doom
Writing poetry and dubbing them Disasterpieces
The fourth one appealed to my creative, parody side. I created a Myspace page (Hi Tom!), spoofing Heidenreich, and just started posting poems on random wrestlers and friends pages. It was ridiculous and a giant waste of time, but in 2005, I was a confused adult, trying to find a path to take to the next steps of my life.
As a challenge to myself, as well as the fear of trying out a concept, I decided to take this “Disasterpiece” vision to the ROH. At best, I’d make some people laugh and lighten up the board a little. At worst, Mr. Sapolsky would delete them from the board and I’d be blocked.
I wrote three Disasterpieces, which, to my memory at the time, surprisingly got some positive reaction. I tried to base them off moments in ROH history, which worked in my favor somewhat. Of course, I didn’t remember what I had written about, but I figured they would never see the light of day, once the board went down for good around 2011.
And then, Bankie Bruce found one, completely by accident, and like Celine Dion, it now all came back to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, courtesy of this link, Ring of Honor Discussion Forum - DISASTERPIECE #2: The Pure Title (archive.org), from February 11, 2008, here is my “Heidenreich” DISASTERPIECE on the ROH Pure Wrestling Title:
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DISASTERPIECE #2: The Pure Title
I'm going to take you back to a time where it was great
A time where 3 rope breaks made you have to wrestle first rate
Where skills and submissions made this title fantastic
Just like 2005 No Way Out where me and Booker T had a 5 star classic
It was the Pure championship, a belt that only a select few held
And they all had specific rules in which every wrestler upheld
It started in February of 2004, when AJ Styles won an 8 man tourney
He outperformed the rest like Saturday Night Fever with Barbarino and Karen Lynn Gorney
Then CM Punk and AJ had a classic with Steamboat reffing at At Our Best
Which was Pure excitement until Punk got a discus lariat in his chest
And then AJ left, which meant the belt quickly started, but then died
Just like the time I thought I had helped JBL give Undertaker his Last Ride
But at Reborn: Completition, Doug Williams won the belt and made me glad
But he lost it to that bum John Walters and made me sad
Walters was crisp in the ring, but his personality was like a box
If only he was as charasmatic as Kevin Nash, that damn Silver Fox
But he wrestled good and won my respect at Weekend of Thunder Night 2
When he wrestled that Lucha Thug Homicide, a dude with some serious attitude
I thought Walters killed Homicide when he was pushed to the outside on his head
Hey, even I thought the Notorious 187 was almost crippled and/or dead
But luckily he wasn't, and Walters continued on until he joined Mr. Prince Nana
He joined the Embassy and surprisingly became the Governor of Ghana
Walters became ego crazy and was focused more on his political power though
That's why at Trios Tournament 2005, he lost his belt to Black Machismo
JAY LETHAL took over, but he only had one successful defense to his reign
He beat Spanky with a crazy submission that put him in a lot of pain
Lethal and the Pure title was glorious like a birthstone gem
But the glory ended when Samoa Joe beat him at Manhattan Mayhem
He threw Jay around like a piece of paper ripped from a notebook
I personally think Samoa Joe stole that belt like a common crook
Joe went on and beat Austin Aries, James Gibson and others in his run
This was the dark period of the Pure title, Heidenreich wasn't having fun
Sure, I loved ROH, but like 34x34 jeans on a 40 inch waist, Joe's run just didn't fit
THANK GOD NIGEL McGUINESS WON THE BELT and showed he was in it to win it!
Nigel MADE that belt more exciting, beating everyone in his sight
His reign was so amazing that I couldn't sleep at night
That's why WWE released me: ROH DVDs kept me awake 24/7
Especially Nigel's Pure title matches, they made me feel I was in heaven
Until ROH UNIFIED the belt with the World one, the Pure title had my soul
It was even more exciting than me giving the HEIDENRAPE!! to Michael Cole!
But August 12, ROH broke my precious heart into two
When the Pure division died, I had nothing else to do
That belt was my favorite, I wish it was still around to this day
Danielson unified left me speechless, nothing else for me to say
Until now, where I am writing ROH this amazing DISASTERPIECE
Tell them the Pure Wrestling championship was essentially a MASTERPIECE
That belt was amazing, it should be respected by us all
The death of the Pure Title, to me, was the TRUE Age of the Fall
I hope you heed my words, the Pure title was Diet Pepsi, it's taste in ROH was just right
And just like this poem, it was awesome like HEIDENREICH!!!
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Going back and reading this, I appreciate the history of what the ROH Pure Wrestling Title was. Truly, it went note-for-note with the lineage of the title. However, the cringe side of me gives me these thoughts:
Reading it out loud, there is no flow to it. It’s all scattered, too long, and just convoluted. Again, the passion and attempt to parody Heidenreich was OK, but just terrible flow.
Second, I was trying too hard to be funny, although the 34x34 jeans on a 40 inch waist line popped me. I can’t even think of how I came to that line. I cringe on how trying to fit in the HEIDENRAPE to Michael Cole would play out today in 2024. Hell, I’m amazed it played out in 2008.
Finally, it was just too long. If I had tried to not fit in so much history, didn’t misspell words, and kept it tighter, I’d probably enjoy this more.
I know I’m being way too hard on myself, so taking myself out of critical Jon mode, the fact Mr. Sapolsky didn’t delete it, and got decent feedback from fellow ROHbots, made me realize it wasn’t as bad as I thought.
Regardless, this time capsule really took me back. A few months later, I broke into wrestling as a part of the ACE Wrestling Academy, learning behind the scenes, and the rest is part of the journey of life.
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On a side note, I did remember just now of a conversation that was had with Deranged around 2008 regarding the message board.
One night, the ACE students went out to dinner with Jay Lethal, Azrieal, Alexa Thatcher, and Deranged at a Houlihans just on the outskirts of NYC in Jersey City. Somehow, ROH came up, and the topic of the Message Board was broached. I made slight mention that I was on the boards for a short time as “Heidenreich”, and Deranged had asked if I knew anyone from the boards.
I did not, but even if I did, I would’ve proceeded to lie my ass off and say no regardless.
I told him no, and he said that he was looking for someone that had disparaged him there. In fact, he got really angry about it. To be fair, we were all young and craving positive feedback for our careers. But the former Special K and Lacey’s Angels member would not be deterred. He remained quiet for the remainder of the meal, and it was never brought up again.
Unlike his frustrations on the boards, at that moment, I was grateful for my “Heidenreich” experience. I’m sure if I knew who insulted him deeply, I’d be dealing with my own Deranged DISASTERPIECE at that table.
What a time. What a blast from the past.
Jon Harder
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